Reports from inside The Rising Sun Hotel indicate that local man Lawrence Gumbleton, 37, is still whacking away at the front of affairs and showing no signs of bloating after a taxing Saturday campaign centred around Balter XPA pints. 

“I’m like one of the nags Willie Mullins sends down here for the Cup,” a reflective Gumbleton said.

“I’ll never be flashing home but I do tend to just keep finding when others have hit the wall,” he said.

The Pakistan Star understands that other more precocious members of ‘Gumby’s’ party have reportedly been forced to pull the shillelagh — in the form of a Fireball shot or “Expresso Martini” (sic) — to elicit a response.

The dour Gumbleton said the key to his immense staying prowess is maintaining steady fractions from the outset, running 30-minute pints throughout, and avoiding 15-minute gins altogether after 11pm. 

“When in doubt I just ask myself what the old warhorse Crafty Cruiser would do, and I seem to be able to muster another effort,” Gumbleton said.

More to follow.