A punter with a fearsome risk-averse reputation has once again completely changed the structure of his mates’ group quaddie, reducing what was once a confident ‘pyramid’ arrangement to a directionless can of Campbell’s Chunky.

Referred to widely as ‘The Crippler’, the individual in question was reportedly held-up at the bar while the other three members of the group made their final edits to the Derby Day quaddie, with the trio enthusiastically settling on race six as their ‘skinny leg’.

“We all agreed the opening leg was a race in two, and were happy to stack the rest with a mixture of roughies and market fancies,” one of the trio told The Pakistan Star. 

However, after The Crippler returned to the table with a round of pots - “sorry gents, I can’t carry four schooners” - and learned of the streamlined early approach, he immediately shook his head and began circling numbers like a crazed Bingo player. 

It is understood The Crippler was originally insisting on adding no fewer than four runners to the skinny leg, before he finally agreed to omit one under extreme sufferance.

“It’s an absolute moral now, watch it piss in,” The Crippler told this masthead in relation to the drifting $51 chance he was forced to remove from the opening leg, as he skulked off to have a “small saver” on it.   

“I only added six horses to the other three legs, so I don’t know why they’ve dirtied up,” he added. 

More to follow.